Depression is doing everything you can to hide it. Because theres nothing glorified about it. Theres nothing beautiful about a bad night as you fall you your knees, in a silent scream, that no one hears because youre alone and you need to be until you get through it.
Its the sleepless nights as you lay awake at 2 am staring at the ceiling.
Its that time of year, you just get a little bit sadder for no reason.
Its the tears you dont tell people you cry because you dont really know why youre crying, you just know you need to.
Its the want and need to be around people but at the same time, you push them away.
Depression is watching across social media, everyones highlight reels and you know its not an accurate depiction of their life yet you still compare yourself to them.
Its the plans canceled last minute because you couldnt muster the strength to get out of bed.
Its your alarm going off in the morning and you just want to go back to sleep.
Depression is that cloud that doesnt seem to go away ever. And even in those happy moments, you cling to, you know its still hovering over you. Depression waits. It creeps and lurks. It waits for the best day of your life and your happiest moment just so the next one can be your worst.
Its the fear of such happiness because you know its bound to fade.
Its every good day, that are few and far between and that’s what you hang onto.
Its the struggle in explaining to people when they ask why are you depressed? You just dont know and you dont know how to fix it. Its just a feeling you cant shake but youre learning to work through.
Depression are toxic habits or people you gravitate towards.
Its drinking the way you do because at least for a moment your pain is numbed. You know the effects lead to being even more depressed the next day. And you know alcohol is a depressant but being numb helps sometimes.
Depression is the constant unbalance of things in your life.
Its either overexercising and being at the gym for hours or staying in bed for weeks immobile.
Its either sleeping too much or too little. But no matter what, youre always tired.
Its eating too much or just never being hungry. Its someone asking, ‘When was the last time you ate?’ And you actually don’t know the answer.
Its weight loss that people commend you for but you know even you couldnt help it.
Depression is people asking if youre okay and you dont respond with Im sad. You simply say, ‘I’m tired.’
Its the envy of looking at others and just wanting to be that happy. So you glamorize your own life so it appears that way.
It’s that really scary moment when you open up to someone about what it is you deal with. And that new level of friendship you reach, when they welcome you with open arms and it almost brings you to tears.
Its loving people unbelievably hard because youre still learning to love yourself.
It’s looking ahead and looking forward to certain days in your life and really appreciating everything.
And even though you might not say it, as often as you should, it’s the love you have for everyone in your life which gives you strength.
Depression is becoming addicted to anything that gives you purpose. Whether its being a perfectionist in academics or becoming a workaholic. Its becoming the most involved in a group or organization because you need something to look forward to. Its excelling in sports because it really helps to have that and a team to fall back on.
Its the need to be busy because if youre not youll spend too much time alone and everything will get worse.
But more than that, depression is the person who would do anything to make others happy because someone elses happiness is their own.
Depression is being overly observant because you know what its like to hide things, so you look for it in others.
Its being the first one willing to help and being the person you wish you had. Knowing well, there’s nothing you can say or do but be there for them and that’s okay.
But more than that, depression is a strength in you because theres nothing harder than overcoming demons within yourself.
Its the trust people have in you, knowing they can turn to you without judgment.
It’s the excitement you bring to others because even though you’re sad, you do love life.
Depression is being the happiest, saddest person, people know but there’s a bit of beauty to someone who knows both emotions at such an extreme level.
Depression is an appreciation and gratitude for life. It’s knowing no matter what happens things will get better.
Depression is hope even in moments that seem hopeless.
It’s not letting this define who you are but rather learning to live through it and being the example others can follow.
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